I’m very good at being a very bad time.

I’m very good at being a very bad time. I’m talking Hall of Fame levels of talent.

I could write a book on all of the things that have influenced me throughout my life that manifested this generational skill set, but all that would be is a thinly veiled attempt at soliciting sympathy. I don’t deserve sympathy. 

I was recently called out for bringing negativity into a situation that did not warrant it. The PR team in my head immediately went into crisis mode, furiously analyzing every previous interaction to find a crack in the claims being directed towards me and my behavior. It took a concerted effort to override that reaction, and allow the statements to be absorbed and digested. 

When I took off the mental blindfold and earplugs I had installed to protect my own ego, I could see this most recent scene was just a copy of countless previous interactions that all had one thing in common. I acted selfishly and ruined someone else’s experience as a result. 

I am ashamed. I have once again made the mistake of regarding my experience as the most important perspective. Neglecting to recognize that I am no one else’s main character. I placed the burden of my unrealistic expectations on the shoulders of those who did not ask or consent to share the load. As someone who outwardly condemns modern American culture for being far to individualistic, the irony (and hypocrisy) is not lost on me.

My behavior has irreparably damaged future opportunities to interact with genuine, and interesting people, and I have to begin the process of mourning the consequences of my behavior. There is too much negativity in the world to voluntarily spend time with people who seemingly seek to inject more.

I can no longer disguise my insecurities with the mask of ambition and expect there to be anyone left standing beside me when my potential is realized. Standing on a podium in an empty room will not fill the void. 

That’s all to say, I have revisited my goals as a player for 2025. I have a responsibility to my fellow playing partners to inspire and uplift. The pursuit of excellence can no longer endure at the expense of others.

Ultimately, if you wouldn’t invite me to play in with you next weekend after finishing out on the 18th, I have failed to live up to my potential - regardless of the numbers I write down on my scorecard.

The guys from the Best Ball Podcast said it best… Golf is people.